Do men really need to access therapy?

by Rayle Roberts

Friday,  March 11, 2005

The decision to access therapy can be a difficult one for most people and especially for men. Many men believe that therapy is only for women and that as a man you need to “suck it up” and deal with it. It is true that more women access therapy than their male counterparts; however this should not be the deciding factor for any man to seek and then benefit from therapy.

If there are certain issues that have been causing dysfunction in your life and you are not sure how to make the necessary changes, therapy can help. Working through problems with the help of a professional can get you out of the rut and into a more productive and healthier pattern.

We acknowledge that men are about maintenance: of vehicles, homes and yards however, when it comes to our emotional maintenance we are completely neglectful or expect our partners to fix the problem. Single men think that if they access therapy they will be made fun of by their friends or worse their friends will think that they are crazy. Many times our relationships may not be going as well as we would like however, as men we wait until things are really bad or for our female partners to inform us that they have booked an appointment for us to see someone.

Our first reaction is to get upset because our partner has gone behind our back and talked about our personal problems or worst, threatened to do so. Unfortunately, if you do not invest in your relationships or yourselves you may end up losing the relationship and/or being hurt unnecessarily. But, if you take the time to invest in your personal wellbeing you will be more aware of your emotions as well as what is going on in your life and make better and more informed choices.

I hear people say; men do not talk or share their personal problems. I know that is not always true. Men will talk, but only with the people they trust. Men also find it hard to trust new people which can make talking about our problems even more difficult. I remember when I sat in a therapist chair for the first time. I wondered, what he could tell me that I did not already know. I gave him a small piece of the story and unfortunately my beliefs were confirmed when he was off base with his assessment. I got absolutely nothing from the experience and felt as though therapy did not work. Yet, there came a time in my life when I was down, my life seemed to be going up in flames and I made the decision to try therapy again.

This time was different. I tried a different therapist and as I shared my experiences honestly and openly I found that the process of therapy really did help. I spoke to someone who had absolutely no vested interest in my story and nothing to gain but to help me sort through what I was dealing with. When the session was complete everything I had told him was left in his confidence and I felt lighter. The skills that I learned gave me the confidence to deal with the situation in the healthiest way and get through the difficult time.

Therapy is a very personal experience. Every person’s experience in therapy may be different. A therapist’s primary purpose is to assist the client discover the tools to best address the situation they are faced with. One of the most important factors is that therapy is conducted in a confidential and safe environment.

Nevertheless, men, do not take my word for it; try it and find out for yourself. Is your life going up in flames? Are you suffering through a nasty divorce, a devastating layoff or even prolonged depression? The difficulties of being a dad or just overwhelmed with home life? Life's difficulties are hard to avoid, and there are times when you may get stuck and not see a way out. It is in these times when getting help from a professional may be imperative.

Contact a few therapists, find one that you connect with, there is no shame in saying this therapist does not work for me yet there is a problem in saying that therapy does not work. Find someone you trust and make sure you are honest with them. You will get out of therapy what you put into it.

Don’t give up on you. You can be a better man and you should do it for you.

For more information on this or other topics contact 949-9355 or Wellnesscentre@CandW.ky

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