LOCAL COMMENTARY

My Take ... For what it’s worth

By Carol Hay

Wednesday,  November 16, 2005

(The opinions presented in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of the Hay family!)

By and large I consider myself a tolerant person; I’ll sit in traffic for hours, I’ll sway to miss something in the road,  I give way to anything bigger than my Honda CRV (even if I have the right of way).

I’ll swear under my breath when somebody cuts me off. But, if you want to see a screaming Banshee in the flesh, block me in! To me, that’s the height of inconsiderateness and punishable by 40 lashes (yeah, I’m all about beating others again!).

I firmly believe that in Cayman we don’t park cars; we abandon them, as we refuse to walk two feet from our vehicles to get anywhere. If some people could pull straight up into their living rooms, I swear they would.

And, I really don’t think it’s that we don’t know how to drive inasmuch as we have a lot of inconsiderate oafs among us. 

In fact I think we’re excellent drivers when you see the way we disregard the traffic laws and come out pretty unscathed at the end of the day.  

If I was writing the road laws, I’d make up an indictment called the “Inconsiderate Bugger” charge.

Then I’d employ Quick Images to print some stickers and plaster them all over the guilty party's’ vehicle, much the same concept as those proud parents who paste “I’m the parent of an honour role student” on their car bumpers.

Better yet, let’s airbrush the ‘Inconsiderate Bugger’ logos so they can’t come off.  I’d have them placed alongside the cutesy-poo “Boss Hog” and “King of the Clutch” personal expressions, only mine would read, “I’m an Inconsiderate Insect”. 

Oh if it was that simple!

Second on my vigilante list would be the Indicator Idiots.  Listen up.

These little tick-tock pointers are not optional turning tools – all road-worthy vehicles come equipped with them. Some drivers think that just because they veer down a particular road at precisely 3 pm every day, it precludes them from informing others of this maneuver each time.

On the one hand we have motorists who reckon indicators aren’t necessary, and on the other hand we have another set of imbeciles who leave them on permanently.

Let’s introduce a new guideline to avoid confusion; indicators signaling all the time shall now be deemed “a delayed right” or “an eventual left”.

Got it?

Forget introducing more traffic laws. Thoughtless road users and drunk drivers, the ones who weave all over the road and go at high speeds: whatever the limit, whatever the road law, they’re going to ignore them because they’re either drunk or don’t give a damn.

What we need aren’t more laws, we need fewer idiots.

And one more thing, that of disabled parking spots; stupidity, laziness, selfishness and being too fat are not handicaps, park elsewhere!

I’m on a roll now.  While we’re at it, let’s address pedestrians as they misuse the roads too.

I’m curious, are cruise ship passengers made out of something more pliable than other people or did they forget to pack their brains? I have a great idea to boost the country’s treasury department and in turn pay our police a decent salary so that officers could afford to live and work here.

Let’s go after the jaywalkers, especially the cruise shippers. We could do this in conjunction with the Department of Tourism and the Cruise Directors.

Prior to disembarking the ship, passengers would be warned that the Cayman Islands take jaywalking very seriously and that way, they won’t get caught off guard. Here’s what I propose.

All careless street-crossers would be fined US$25 a pop, take any method of recompense: VISA MasterCard, American Express – no citation, no embarrassment, just pay-up.

For that, tourists would get a unique souvenir of their Cayman vacation, their very own RCIP ticket complete with colourful Coat of Arms and a smiling Sir Turtle dressed in a police uniform.

For $10 bucks extra, they could have their mug shot superimposed on the turtle!  I can’t think of any good reason why this idea couldn’t fly. 

Speaking of flying, I’d like to end with this little gem that used to amuse me.  (I’m glad they’ve done away with it now because it made for bad karma).

Not so long ago Cayman Airways’ planes used to have a Coat of Arms needlepoint inscribed with our motto “He Hath Founded it Upon the Seas” at the very front of their aircraft so it was visible no matter where one was seated.  Being that CAL’s flight plan is always over water, I found the placement a little daunting;

I would rather the pilot founded it upon the runway personally!

Till next week.

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