LOCAL COMMENTARY

Abused children grow up to be adults

By Fr Sean Major-Campbell

Wednesday,  November  23, 2005  

What do we often think about when the disgusting subject of child abuse is mentioned? You got that right. In truth, we need more effort in the area of child abuse preventative measures.

It is an abuse to subject children to any media presentation that would promote violence, drug use, profanities, and disregard for self worth.

It is also an abuse to the development of the child when parents display their stupid arrogance in scolding the child’s teacher, often in front of the child. When I look back over my own years as a child in school, I recall the following:

1. Children whose parents took pride in ‘telling off the teacher gal’ often left school with just that (the proud moment of “my mother put that teacher in her place”.

2. The children who were on the path to prison had parents who were gravely offended by any complaint about their children’s behaviour in school.

3. The children in high school, who were the dons of the day, lost that status at graduation.

4. The parents who had tremendous respect for the school and its authority often produced children who did the same.

5. The more unpopular children became known after graduation for their inner values, and true self.

Abusive parents often feel smart about their ‘anything goes’ approach. “It does not matter what the children are watching at the movies, since their friends are doing it anyway. It is alright since the Joneses children are allowed to do it. The Joneses children look so cool doing that anyway. Why should not my child do the same?”

Top ten abusive behaviours in some other countries include:

1. Allowing a child in early teens to play with a motor-car. (This is cool).

2. Giving children sodas and popcorn for breakfast.

3. Allowing children to get away with being rude to an adult.

4. Indulging children in any form of sexual activity.

5. Exposing children to incestuous experiences.

6. Allowing children to dress as if they are not children. (By the way who buys those loppy looking clothes for the boys? I bet it is their teacher).

7. Providing entertainment that conveys a value laden system that contradicts common decency and sound judgment.

8. Depriving children of the opportunity to experience faith in God.

9. Giving children a false sense of achievement through focus on their trophies vis-à-vis God as the source of their life and gifts.

10. Depriving children of the wonderful opportunity to develop environmental awareness, and appreciation for the created order as a whole. (This comes from doing).

What happens when children look over the fence and see a gated community with a completely different reality from theirs? Who is more likely to build such a community? What percentage of Caymanian children currently stand a good chance of getting into one of these communities?

Consider this budget scenario: Car payment $350; Rent $1,200; Groceries $not sure; Pre-school fee $300; Utilities $200 and her income is CI$1,800 per month. How does she really manage? The father’s income is not reliable since this depends on hours worked, which in turn depends on if he is called to the job site next week. The most he earns when he does is CI$400 per week.

What quality of life are they encouraged to provide for their child? Are they in any mood to participate in the much needed parenting programme? To what extent may some of these challenges be inseparable from domestic confusion and violence?

Often when parents are beating their children, it is really they, the parents who should be getting the beating. Caution! The only problem is that it ought not to be done by either parent. There have been times when I wished there was some statutory body that did whipping of parents. However, the truth is that the way forward is going to have to include a non-violent approach, characterized by more educational support. Unfortunately, good events do not often draw crowds!

What a difference it might make if we all started to take more seriously the work of organizations such as the Children Services, the Women’s Crisis Centre, The Business and Professional Women’s Club, the Mothers’ Union and all other organizations which seek to promote the well being of family.

Then there is the church. It’s just that sometimes the church misses its goal and confuses the feeding of the sheep with feeding on the sheep. When all is said and done, may we all truly follow our Lord’s command to allow the little children to come unto Him. Remember they will become adults one day.

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