Atoosa Rubenstein
Ask Cosmo Girl
Atoosa Rubenstein
My new boyfriend has totally
changed since we started going out. He has an ambition of being
a rapper. He's white, which is no problem, but is doing everything
in his power to act like someone he's not black. I don't
want to support this new person he has become. I want him to be
the same person I agreed to go out with.
Samantha, 14,
Balch Springs, Texas
This whole acting "black"
versus "white" schtick is very old-fashioned, my friend.
That's a whole column in and of itself though, and we only have
200 words, "so", moving right along. ... It's really
not your place to be dictating how your boyfriend should or shouldn't
act the same way "he" shouldn't be doing that
to "you". Listen, if your relationship with him was
meant to be, you'd love the person he is evolving into. One thing
you're forgetting (and it's very common) is that your boyfriend's
purpose in life isn't to be the person "you" want him
to be. His purpose is to be who "he" wants to be. If
the "new" him is someone you feel you have nothing in
common with, that just means you guys are better suited to other
people. Be gracious, wish him well and move on.
My mom and her boyfriend are engaged, and we are all moving away
from where I live. I really want to stay, and ever since my mom
has told me that we are leaving, we haven't gotten along at all.
How can we still be close even though I'm really mad at her for
making me leave my amazing life?
Jenni, 14,
Saskatoon, Canada
Think of it this way: You're
moving no matter "what". So, you can either be upbeat
about it or you can hem, haw, dig your heels in the dirt and get
"dragged" there. Either way, the outcome is the same,
but how it goes down is completely up to you. You want a better
relationship with your mom? Be mature and support her in this
decision. Remember that the move isn't easy for "her"
either but she's making this tough decision because she
thinks it's the best thing for your family. So put on your Professor
Positive hat and be a little adventurous. What makes you think
your "new" life won't be more amazing than your current
one? Get excited by the possibilities and remember that the only
limits are the ones you impose on yourself.
One of my good friends came out to me, and I was completely supportive.
But that next week she told me she liked me and that it drove
her crazy that I would never like her "that way." I
tried to be nice about it and just let her talk, but what else
should I do?
Marianne, 14,
Wilmington, Del.
Your friend sounds like she's going through a confusing time "anyway",
and when you guys had the "coming out" conversation,
she probably felt closer to you and is confusing that closeness
with liking you in "that way." I've definitely experienced
that with guy friends of mine sometimes when you really
like someone, it's hard to differentiate between platonic and
romantic feelings. But the fact is, you "don't" have
romantic feelings for her, so even if she's confused, she shouldn't
be putting you in an awkward position. Just firmly say that your
feelings for her are purely platonic. Don't stop being her friend
just be clear. And if she "keeps" making comments
that make you feel uncomfortable? Then you're going to need to
distance yourself from her, just like you would if a guy friend
was making you feel that way. But give her time and distance to
come to terms with her feelings.