Ask Cosmo Girl

Ask Cosmo Girl

Atoosa Rubenstein

My friend's boyfriend cheated on her with me a few days ago. She says she hates me and doesn't want to be my friend. But I want us to still be friends. How do I make things better?
­ Cici, 14,
Alton, Ill.

Ask yourself this: Would "you" want to be friends with a girl who'd fool around with your boyfriend? Of course not. You completely violated her trust, and Cici, that's one of the most basic friendship no-nos. So you need to think about "why" you did it. (And don't just think about it for 15 minutes and rush back to make up just because you don't want to sit alone in the lunchroom ­ she'll see through "that" in a second. This might take "weeks" to figure out!) "Then" write her a very honest, open letter of apology. Truthfully? I have no idea if she'll forgive you. But the best thing that can come from this situation is an understanding of why you did what you did, so you can prevent it from happening with future friends. Because if you go through your life treating people this way, you'll be writing to me more often than you'd like, and trust me: You don't want me to be your only friend.

My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer last Thanksgiving. When she was first diagnosed she was told that she wouldn't live until Christmas without the assistance of chemotherapy. My sister, who is only 3, and I will probably be separated when my mom passes on. I feel that I have been taking out my normal teenage stress on my mom and sister, and I feel terrible about doing so since we have more important issues to take care of at this time.
­ Kassandra, 13,
Lino Lakes, Minn.

Kassandra, my heart is right there with the three of you. I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through, and I know for "certain" that every single person reading this feels the same, sister. We're "all" with you. I just realized after reading your question that you didn't really "ask" a question. It's almost like you answered your own question, but just wanted to run it by someone as a check-in, so that's what I'll do. You're right ­ how you're feeling, stress-wise, is totally normal. Not just because you're a teenager, but because of everything else that's on your shoulders too, with your mom's health condition and even what that will mean for you and your sister. You've been dealt a tough hand. But you also seem to have the maturity to realize that you're going to have to grow up faster than your other friends. Like, when I was your age, I would "scream" at my mom on a daily basis because she would pick up the phone when I was on the other line. You and your mom obviously have bigger fish to fry. At home, stay focused on having really positive, meaningful interactions with her. Make amazing memories. No, it's not "easy" ­ but get creative. Think of different things you can do every day to make her smile. It's those smiles that you'll have with you for the rest of your life after your mom has passed. But that doesn't mean that you should ignore your own needs and stresses. Your mom might be sick, but she's still your mother and no doubt wants to feel like it. Share your life with her. Tell her about your day every day. Let her give you her advice. These are going to be tough times for all of you. But they can also be really meaningful times. Either way, they're precious, so make every moment count.

Return