Help Me Harlon
Harlon Cohen
Cheating Brother's Secret Is Sister's Secret To Tell
Dear Harlan,
One of my older brothers,
I'll call him "Jay," is cheating on his wife. He told
me in confidence so he could talk to someone. He said that he
was going to let his wife know. Recently, I told our other brother
(let's call him "Marc") what's been going on. The two
of them do not talk, and Marc is always left out of family problems.
So, I told him in confidence, in hopes that he might call Jay
and give him some brotherly support. Instead, Marc told his loud
wife. Now Jay has decided not to tell his wife about his affair
and wants me to keep it quiet. But what if Marc's wife tells Jay's
wife?
My family would hate me forever because I would be the one that
ruined a marriage and maybe even a business. I'm so scared and
ashamed. Please help.
Alone and Ashamed
Dear Alone,
Your brother made two mistakes. First, he cheated on his wife.
Second, he talked about it. None of this makes you responsible.
It just makes him a stupid cheater (not that there are smart cheaters).
His cheating is NOT your burden to carry. And it was unfair of
him to dump it on you. But now that it's out there, you need let
him know as soon as possible. And tell him why you let it slip.
At least give him the opportunity to talk to Marc and to his own
wife. And if his actions should affect his business, he can blame
it on his inability to control his other business. Nope, you're
not to blame.
Dear Harlan,
All through high school I was pretty much a loner. I never dated
and didn't have my first kiss until I was 18 years old. Two years
later, I'm dating a man that I love. The problem is that two other
guys are in love with me, and I can see myself dating both of
them. One, I've had several physical encounters with, and I think
there could be a future. The other, I've lusted after for a year,
never thinking he would return my feelings, but now he has. I
think he would be straight-up hot sex as opposed to a relationship.
This has never happened to me before. I'm very confused. The one
thing I know for sure is that I do want to dump my boyfriend,
but now I have to decide between two PERFECT men!
Lost
Dear Lost,
One thing I know for sure -- PERFECT is usually imperfect in disguise.
Not to spoil your new animal magnetism, but don't be so quick
to sleep around.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1
of 5 sexually active adults in the United States is infected with
herpes simplex virus type 2. One of 10 sexually active adults
in the United States has HPV (human papillomavirus, also called
genital warts). One of every 10 adolescent girls tested for chlamydia
is infected (chlamydia often has no symptoms, and it can lead
to infertility if untreated). And as of November 2000, the CDC
reported that 1 of every 500 college students is infected with
HIV (and that's only the reported cases).
Whatever your decision, go slowly. And should you get physical
with either guy, have him (and yourself) tested for HIV and always
use protection (but even condoms aren't foolproof). More questions?
Contact the CDC National STD/HIV Hotline at: (800) 227-8922 (open
24 hours).