Help Me Harlon
Harlon Cohen
Best Friends "Accidentally" Sleep Together
Hi, Harlan,
I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I did something really stupid this
weekend. I ended up sleeping with one of my best friends. We had
both been drinking during the day, and we were lying down when
she started kissing me. After it was over, she acted as if it
didn't happen and didn't want to speak to me.
The next day, she eventually spoke to me and said that it was
a big mistake and that it should never have happened. Things are
really awkward for us both, and I'm unsure of what to do next.
I still want to be her friend, but things just aren't the same
anymore.
Friend in Need
Dear Friend,
The good news is that you didn't sleep with all your best friends.
Best friends can make the best relationships, but not when they
begin after a fifth of Jack. This isn't an ideal start. Friends
need to talk about this before it happens, but hopefully things
aren't so tainted that you can't still talk. If you want to have
any kind of relationship, tell her the things you should have
said before she seduced you. (I'll just play along with the story.)
Then ask her to share the same with you. Clearly, there are mutual
feelings. This conversation needs to happen -- and do it sober.
The last thing you want is for her to start kissing you again.
Also, be safe and make sure you both get tested for sexually transmitted
diseases should you go there again (these things are everywhere).
Dear Harlan,
My father recently had a stroke. When I heard the news, I went
to see him and my family right away. I live in California, and
they live in Canada. I moved about a year ago. He is recovering
-- slowly. My mom is with him at the hospital every day making
sure that he is getting the therapy and help he needs. But she
is having a hard time emotionally and financially. It's like a
nightmare that won't end.
I have a good job here, and I'm in a band that relies on me. Also,
I don't have the money to keep flying there, and my job won't
permit me to take more than two days off a week. I feel like quitting
everything and being with him and my Mom. I am newly married,
which also makes the situation hard. Should I move back home?
Struggling
Dear Struggling,
If you do move, rent an extra moving van to carry all the guilt
you're packing.
Listen, you're not being fair to yourself. If you move, you're
going to feel guilty because you've abandoned your band, your
job and uprooted your new spouse (and both of your lives). If
you don't move back home, you're going to feel guilty because
you're not there to help. Either way, you're bound to feel guilty.
At least live where you can be happy and guilty.
When you cut through all the emotions (not easy), your life is
not in Canada. Your mom is at home for your dad. Be there to support
her (and him) by calling and visiting as much as possible. Make
sure your mom knows that you're trying to balance it all and help.
Guide her toward emotional support. If necessary, take a part-time
job on days off to help pay for more visits home. Just avoid abandoning
your life, hopes and dreams. No parent would want that.