Ask Cosmo Girl
Atoosa Rubenstein
I feel that I am very attractive and that
I have a good personality, but it seems that boys are intimidated
by my height. How can I get them to stop caring about my height
and care about me? Please help. --
Josie, 15,
Germantown, Md.
Well, one thing I can tell you about
guys in general is that they're an intimidated bunch -- especially
in high school. Are they intimidated by your height? Maybe. But
they could just as easily be intimidated by how pretty you are,
or how nice. My point is, you can't really control how they feel
or act -- that's "their" issue. The only thing you "can"
do is control how you handle it. My advice? Keep doing what you're
doing. Don't put pressure on yourself to start dating right now.
If you find a guy who's as confident with himself as you are with
yourself, then that's great. But just know that guys get more
confident as they get older, and once you get to college, you'll
find that there are plenty of tall guys who'd love to date a girl
who's up there with them, and plenty of shorter guys who have
a passion for tall girls. You're not doing anything "wrong",
so there's nothing you should be doing "differently".
My friend and I got in a fight. She said some things to me that
were very cold and hurt me a lot. Now she is asking me to forgive
her and be friends again. I don't know if I should, because now
it makes me question what kind of friend she is. -
Eleni, 15,
Westport, Conn.
If this is the first time she's done
this, you might want to give her the benefit of the doubt -- it's
hard to ask for forgiveness, so she probably is truly sorry and
cares a lot about you. But still, you're totally right to question
what kind of friend she is, and I don't mean that in a rude way
toward her. Just honestly look at the relationship and ask yourself
two questions: 1) What are my needs and expectations from this
friendship? Are you looking for someone you can tell "everything"
to? Or just a pal to do superficial stuff with you that you might
have in common (like going to concerts or meeting guys)? Then
2) Does this friend fulfill the things you want? That way you're
not deciding whether to forgive her based on hurt feelings that
came out of an argument, but on your true needs and expectations.
How do I convince my mom to let me shave my legs? She herself
has never shaved ever, and she says she doesn't regret it, so
I'm not allowed to shave. I tried talking to her, and I was completely
mature about it, but she didn't buy it. I hate going swimming
or wearing shorts because I have hairy legs. Please help! --
Tia, 14,
Great Falls, Mont.
Let's make sure you're handling this conversation in the best way possible. First off: No crying, no yelling, no whining. Keep an even voice. But the second key is to make sure she feels like "you're" hearing "her". See, if she feels like you're stating your case and not really understanding hers, she's going to keep with it. So repeat what she's saying back to her. "Mom, I totally respect that you don't feel the need to shave your legs. I also understand that you don't want me to have any of the problems that you've heard are associated with shaving. But I still want to shave my legs. I will feel more confident that way. Please reconsider your decision." And then -- I hate to say this, but -- if you're that uncomfortable, wear pants until the time comes when it's "your" decision to make!