Ask Cosmo Girl
Atoosa Rubenstein
The high school I just started at has areputation for lots of people smoking pot. I don't want to hangaround them, but they are the "popular" people, andI'm worried that I'm either going to not be friends with themor not be friends with anyone because all of my friends want tobe popular. I'm just overall scared. What do I do? --
Lucy, 15,
Beverly Hills, Calif.
First of all, rumors are rumors -- they'renot necessarily true. Give yourself a few months to get your ownvibe for what's going on at your new school. That's not to saythere are no potheads there -- I'm sure there are. But there arealso other kids who are totally cool for you to hang out with.You'll see.
But no matter what your school's reputation,you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. So basicallywhat I'm saying is that you already have the solution to yourproblem: You just need to follow your instincts -- listen to thatvoice inside your head.
If you listen to that gut feeling, it'lllead you to people you genuinely feel comfortable with and havea great time with, and those people will become your friends.Don't hang out with people you feel you have to hang out withjust so you're not considered "unpopular" -- that willnever feel true to who you are. And remember, you do have freewill.
I have this really sweet, nice boyfriend.But whenever we're alone, he tries to make "the move,"and I just don't think I'm ready for that yet. Every time thishappens, I change the subject, but he's starting to think I don'tlike him. What should I do? --
Amanda, 15, Chipley, Fla.
OK, Amanda, you're going to need to getstronger with this guy. There's a difference between liking himand being ready to be physical, so you've got to be clear withhim that one doesn't have anything to do with the other.
Now, let's give him the benefit of thedoubt and say that he probably doesn't realize he's making youuncomfortable. Next time he's pushing you further than you wantto go, stop his hand, look him square in the eye and in a firmvoice, tell him, "I'm not ready to do this, and I need youto respect that." (I'm not saying scream or anything, butjust don't baby talk. Be serious -- it's an important conversation.)
And remember that it's important foryou to be consistent with the message you're sending him -- don'tsay you're not ready and then let him go further. If he doesn'tlisten? Well then, that means he doesn't respect you, and it'sadios, ex-amigo!