Family Recipes:

These are favourite ‘Family Recipes” which I hope are helpful for the heart, the mind, and the soul. These special ‘ingredients’ are the most important recipes I can share, and they really are tried and true.

At one time, the kitchen was the heart of our homes, with all the family gathered around anticipating the good things produced there. In our modern day society, with everyone running, working, dieting, and attending meetings, we may have gotten away from the pleasures in the kitchen and sitting down together to share the day’s activities and a good meal.

That was how it used to be. Sometimes it still is, but if it is a missing ingredient in your home, I hope some of these special ‘family recipes’ will bring a smile and perhaps stimulate some good old-fashioned fun centered around the kitchen table.

The first part might help with being a parent, sharing tips and ideas that might just work. The next step, of course, is being a grandparent. And lastly, a role many of us never planned to step into—being a stepparent. The rest is in support of the ideas, suggestions, and ideals from the lighter side, in poems and sayings. Some humorous antidotes are also included. These are words our family has shared and enjoyed. And we hope you will too....

Raising children is a challenge in any day and age. After years in this field, raising five children, having three stepchildren, and now 19 grandchildren, I wish to impart some good hard-learned practical suggestions:


Parents

Be loving and firm, use your common sense and trust in your instincts. Sometimes you can read too many books on child rearing. Books written by child experts can sometimes send out mixed messages. I know one such expert who firmly supported “permissiveness” so as not to hinder the child’s personality. Some of those children grew up to help create a generation of rude, manner less, and emotionally unbalanced, people, leaving them behind in dealing with society. This expert, in his later years, claimed he was “misunderstood.”

Communicate. Find interesting ways to relate to each family member. Hold family meetings, with everyone giving input of some kind. Make each member feel a part of the big picture. Each child is an individual, and needs a different set of tender tools to assist in the painful process of growing up. Know your child, his or personality, and their sensitivity, give encouragement and praise. And always be sincere. Children can sense when you are being dishonest. When they reach a stage of getting into everything, distract them by giving them their toy, or something they can play with, and teach them there are things that belong to mommies and daddies, and are off limits to them.

Do not make wimps out of your kids. If they fall, don’t make a big thing of it, but be there to help and support if they are hurt. Throw away negativism... it is a bad habit some people wake up with and drag around all day... It is a burden. Pick up on being positive; it is a lighter load. Have a sense of humor. If you do not you will be lost! Teach them it is okay to be silly and you try it too! I always find Halloween a perfect time to exercise that tool!

Meal time.... This is a serious problem in some homes. Occasionally, one spouse chooses to quarrel with the other one, or pick on a child, or discuss a bad report card.

This is a serious detriment to a happy family and can lead to actual physical problems.

For example, it becomes hard to digest food, even delicious food, when someone is wrangling over something. There are plenty of positive things to discuss, so make it interesting and try to learn each other’s goals and daily accomplishments. Do be careful that the children do not take over the table, however, but are involved in the conversation with respect for their elders, their siblings and their manners.

Young children need to develop good eating habits early. This modern day phenomenon of “I don’t eat that” or “I don’t like this” —complain, complain, complain—seems to have gotten out of hand. Children should learn at an early age that it is a privilege to sit at the table with their family, and eat what is put in front of them. Encourage them to eat a balanced diet, and teach them which foods do what for their growing body and which foods have no real value, but actually can harm the body—even though they taste good.

Mom and Dad, decide how you want to bring up your children. If you disagree on something, do it in private, not in front of the kids, as this causes confusion and encourages them to play one parent against the other. That is definitely not good— leading to early lessons of manipulation.

Share with them your faith, heeding the old saying, “Families that pray together, stay together.” Be able to listen to your children, encourage them to form their own opinion on all kinds of things, and help them to think for themselves. Let them know they can come and tell you anything... even if they feel it is terrible. Keep your cool, their trust, and confidence that you will not turn on them if they trust in you. Many times I had to say a prayer to keep me calm when they told me something shocking, so we could “deal with the problem together.” It isn’t always easy, but it is well worth the effort to learn hoe to stay calm.

Television programs and computer usage times need to be regulated, according to your lifestyles. I used to tell my kids: “Don’t just sit there and vegetate in front of a TV!” Parents are so busy these days working, that to come home and go for a walk with your kids sounds exhausting, but if you do it I guarantee you that you will be happy every time you take that extra time. Sit down together and play family games. Try charades, which is a real eye opener about children’s personalities. Play sports together; by taking in fresh air and exercise on a regular basis, you will set foundations for life-long positive habits which in turn can help lead to good health.

Young children need to be taught the home rules, and their responsibilities to the family. They need to know the guidelines and that if there are negative actions, there will have consequences. Children are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for, and parents who set the consequences for, say, not doing homework, and lying about it, should know the outcome will be no TV for the next three days, or another of their favorite things being withdrawn. A favorite pastime or toy being taken away, and then being earned back by good behavior is a technique that can be learned.

Be honest with your children. When your children ask you a question, be honest. You are laying building blocks for their future and deceit is not included in a firm foundation. These foundations should be set in place at the beginning; if you try to start them from three years old, you are way too late. It must begin from the infant stage. An infant knows your tone of voice, and this builds love and trust from your caring. On the other hand, an infant can distinguish nervousness, or a lack of caring and love, resulting in a fussy baby.

Teach children to deal with stress and peer pressure, to focus on the really important things in life and not on the material things that some children seem to flaunt. Teach them that cruelty and meanness to others is unacceptable behavior; give them a sense of thankfulness for the blessings they have. And show them that envy and want are negative feelings that will only cause them to be unhappy.

Give them lots of love. Channel their energy to good things, and make sure they know they are “special” and different from any other person in the world! But don’t spoil them. Beware that you do not over protect them. To do so is denying them their learning experiences; if you run after them each time they take a little spill, encourage them to get up and go for it again... Know the times to let them go; this is probably the hardest thing to do. You need to practice this along the way.

Encourage them to be on their own and to be independent. I see mothers who think they are doing a wonderful job by creating “clingy” children, when all they are doing is satisfying their own insecurity and denying their child normal and necessary growth experiences.

At one of our Thanksgiving dinners Melanie Ebanks, age seven, said she wanted to read something. She got up and this is the lovely poem she wrote:

A Family
A family is a blessing it means so many things
Words could never really tell the joy a family brings...
A family is mutual love. The love of a dad and mother--
Showing children how to love and care for one another...
A family is heartfelt pride, the feeling deep and strong,
That makes us glad to play a part and know that we belong...
A family is always home, a place where we can share
Our joys and sorrows, hopes and dreams,
For happiness lives there...
A family is a bond of faith that even time can’t sever,
A gift to last throughout our lives---
A family is forever!!

For more Family Recipes get the cook book at the following places: Cookin’ and Laughin’ is for sale at Book Nook, Hobbies & Books, Ritz Carlton, Books N. Books, Jacque Scott Liquor stores, Airport, Foster Food Fair, Hurleys, Kirk Supermarket, Red Sales Sports, Turtle Farm. A great gift for visitors and friends.