When I first arrived in Cayman, a beautiful woman invited me to dinner. Though I didn’t realize it, she was asking me on a date. By the time the bill came, her intentions were clear and confirmed through our conversation.

I kindly explained that I’m a happy heterosexual and we danced the night away with two men from a nearby table. Since then, three different women have approached me for potential romantic partnerships which leads me to wonder: Am I just super-sexy or is there a tremendous increase in the number of women who want to love other women?

Unfortunately for my ego, I believe it’s the latter: more women are seeking women for committed, romantic partnerships. This is obvious among female students in my classrooms, women I meet in social and professional environments, and throughout mainstream media. Television shows, movies, documentaries, and books centered around women loving women are becoming more common everyday.

On television,  there’s the talk show hosted by renown lesbian Ellen Degeneres; the infamous series L-Word; Late in Life Lesbians: A Secret Lives of Women documentary; Brittany Spears kissing Madonna; WNBA star Sheryl Swoopes publicizing her homosexuality; and recently two of the ladies from Desperate Housewives engaged in an on-screen kiss.

Even women from the Caribbean, notorious for homosexual intolerance, have come forward with their female love stories in: Tongues on Fire, Caribbean Lesbian Lives and Stories edited by Rosamund Elwin.   

As a researcher, I am intrigued by this rapidly growing phenomenon and began investigating these relationships by talking to women, reading published studies, and watching everything related to women loving women (which accounts for about half of prime time TV!).

Thus far, I’ve concluded there’s three potential explanations for the significant increase of physically intimate lesbian relationships.

The most feasible explanation is that punishment for social crimes isn’t as severe or common anymore which finally ‘frees’ women enough to explore desires that may have always existed.

A gay colleague insists, “There are no more lesbians now than before. Women have always been lesbians but were trapped into thinking their female attractions were unacceptable. And some women just really wanted kids and didn’t know how else to get the whole family thing as a lesbian. Now things are different.  There are role models too, so more women are coming out.”  

Throughout many parts of the world, the idea of women loving women has become such an acceptable practice that some government funded counseling organizations even encourage women to try lesbian relationships as a viable alternative to heterosexuality. According to Jack Carney, spokesperson for Relationships Australia, a non-profit, government funded marriage guidance council, “As they (women) get over 60, opportunities to get a man diminish substantially.

Men marry younger women and they die about eight years younger, so there is a real male shortage. And as women get even older it gets much worse, so we ask them to entertain the idea of lesbian relationships.” 

Could male shortages really be the reason so many females engage in lesbian relationships? Almost every male I spoke to thought this was true.  A very successful, local businessman told me,“ I think women are just fed up with the games men play.  They’re tired of dealing with bad men so they turn to women.”

Some women, like Mara Flynn from the support group Older Dykes, also admit this could be the case.   According to Flynn, older women sometimes “default” to lesbian relationships because of a lack of men.   

Finally, could the rise in intimate female relationships be attributed to biological changes? No. Scientists have not identified any genetic or physiological differences between heterosexual and homosexual females. Although many researchers have found anatomical traits that distinguish homosexual from heterosexual males, there have been no similar findings about women.

Since science has not found biological differences between heterosexual and homosexual women, perhaps female sexuality is just more fluid than male sexuality.

Many women I spoke to expressed they fell in love with a person who just happened to be a female. The lady who took me on my first date in Cayman (described above) told me she was not a lesbian, but had relationships with women because men “couldn’t do it right in the bedroom.”

She indicated that if she found a man who could fulfill her emotional and sexual needs, she would not date women. On the other hand, some women I spoke to told me they always knew they liked women. My colleague told me she knew she liked girls in kindergarten. Even though I can’t even remember kindergarten, I believe her. She told me she slept with a few men just to find out what it was like and to reaffirm her attraction to women.

All these experiences indicate that female sexuality may be a bit more fluid than male sexual orientation. Since there appears to be no genetic basis for homosexuality among women, the increase in lesbian relationships may be partially due to personal preference. 

Throughout my research, I heard many describe lesbian sex as one long session of foreplay.
Biologically, most females do take longer than men to become aroused and extended foreplay is a frequently prescribed therapy for women experiencing low sexual desire.  Maybe more women are deciding to pursue sexual satisfaction which for them translates into intimate physical relationships with other women.

Regardless of the reasons motivating more romantic partnerships between women - men don’t seem to mind.

Every single man I spoke with smiled and twinkled his eyes when I introduced the subject of females having sex with each other.

It appears these relationships not only produce satisfied women, but also inspire erotic, fulfilling dreams for many men.

But guys need to stop dreaming and start pleasing, as social trends indicate your woman needs to feel loved and be wined and dined romantically.

After all, you‘d hate to see her on a date - with another woman!