My husband and I were out this last weekend enjoying our wonderful little hamlet, Davis California. It seemed as if everyone wanted to prove how well-mannered they were.  Every man, woman, and child rushed to hold doors for us.  It was heartwarming to see how many courteous people we have in our community.

But, isn't it disheartening that bad news seems to travel faster than good news?  Unfortunately, it is no different in the world of etiquette. I tend to hear more about how badly people treat each other and how no one has any manners these days. So, when I receive an email from someone who has a positive insight or wants to do something considerate for others it is worth shouting about.  Here is my shout:

Question: Hello Rebecca, I wanted to know if we could put on my mother's 70th birthday party invitations the following: "In lieu of gifts, please donate your time, treasure, or talent to your favorite charity".

My mother has a big heart and is a tireless volunteer.  She donates most of her time to her church and favorite organizations.  I thought this would be a nice tribute.

Thank you - Lost in Words from Texas

My Reply: Dear Lost in Words from Texas, Probably even as recently as six months ago, I would have said no, because an adult birthday party is not viewed as a gift giving situation and this implies that you expected gifts.  But, it seems as if many people are getting gift crazy.  Some are even registering for housewarming parties- very crazy.  So, I like your idea very much.  It is a touching tribute to someone who values others.  She will probably appreciate this gesture also.

Question: Dear Rebecca, I am getting married in October of 2006.  My grandmother passed away almost 25 years ago.  I am saddened knowing that she will not be here for this special day. My grandmother was engaged to be married but did not, so she never wore her rings.  It is my wish to use her wedding bands for our wedding.  My father has given me the rings to do so, but my mother has told me that it is not proper and that I should at least purchase our own set for daily wear.  Please help out with the etiquette on this situation!

My Reply: Dear Honoring Grandmother, This is a nice tribute to your grandmother.  It is appropriate to use them as these would be considered 'heirloom' rings.

Question: Hi Rebecca, My husband and I recently purchased a new home and are waiting for our backyard to be completed before hosting a Housewarming/Open House Party.  We will serve food, nibbles and beverages (beer, wine, cocktails and soda), and do not expect to receive any gifts. We just want to open our home to our friends and colleagues for a festive time.  However, I know that the standard question we will be asked is, "Can we bring anything?"  Is it proper to respond by saying, "Feel free to bring your favorite bottle of wine, or an appetizer, if you wish."?  Or, is there a more proper way of acknowledging their question?

Thanks for your help. Greater Northern California Area

My Reply: Dear Greater Northern California Area,
Bravo!  It must be that people from our area have great manners.  You are planning everything tastefully and appropriately. Another response could be that you are just looking forward to seeing them.  They can just bring themselves.  Wine is always a plus :)  I would probably not mention bringing any food though.  This might imply that you want this to be more of a potluck.  But, many people do not make this connection. Enjoy!

Question: Rebecca, I attended a dinner at my boss' house (military) with he and his wife.  Do I address the thank you note to the wife, and make mention of the conversation with the husband, or do I address it to both?

My Reply: Dear Courteous Guest, It would be best to address the thank you to both of them.  Bravo on knowing to send the thank you note!!