You have just been invited to a dinner party!  What do you do?  Do you ask if you can bring something?

Do you thank the host for their offer?  And, on the date of the affair do you arrive fashionably late, at the stated time, or early?

As a polite guest you would thank the host for including you, following up with an offer to bring something-perhaps a bottle of wine.

If the gracious host states that it isn't necessary, it is best to take a hostess gift anyway. This could be a bottle of wine, flowers, or even a small box of chocolate.

Knowing that I love wine and teach Wine Etiquette, one generous guest once gave me a book about wine.  His name is on my permanent guest list!

The last question isn't easy to answer with so many cultures in our world, some demanding punctuality and some viewing time as irrelevant. To be on the safe side of the etiquette road, arrive at the stated time or no more than fifteen minutes after.

Question: Please help! I can't go through another 43 years of going to dinner parties with my husband without knowing the answer to this question. When should you go home after a dinner party?  After about one or two hours after dinner, I want to leave.  But I can't get my husband out for another hour.

I am literally and figuratively tired of this dilemma.

My Reply: Dear Tired, I completely understand and sympathize with you.  Every situation is different and there really is no set etiquette rule.

However, we should leave when the hosts signal it is the end of the evening.

Usually this is a subtle gesture, such as offering coffee so your drive is easier, or asking what you plan to do tomorrow (a direct statement meaning that tonight is over).  Sometimes the host will start to pick up a few items, which means that they would like to clean up.  Watching body language is key.

We would never want to be the 'bad guest' who doesn't know when to leave.  So, if it were me, I wouldn't stay longer than one hour after dinner.

Typically, if there are no games or any other diversions after dinner, one hour is sufficient. 

Question: My husband and I were at a neighbor's home the other night for dinner. It was casual group of eight friends in jeans with dinner served in the dining room. Wine was served with the meal.

After dinner we moved to the living room for conversation and a game. Several of us took our wine glasses with us. While playing the game one of the game pieces knocked over my wine glass and it broke. The hostess picked up the pieces and while doing so made a comment that it was a $40 glass.

Was it right to have brought the glass from the table and should I offer to pay for it?

Dinner Guest

My Reply:  Dear Dinner Guest, There was nothing wrong with taking the glass into the living room. If you weren't expected to continue to drink wine, the host would have made references to making tea or coffee.

This is what we do when we are ending the alcohol service and beginning to prepare our guests for leaving.

Offering to pay for the glass would be appropriate and should be viewed as generous (I hope).

However, a considerate host wouldn't have made that comment.  We only use glasses we can afford to break, because glasses break-it happens. In fact, I broke one of my favorites two days ago.  So, it was 'bad hostess' manners on her part.

Question: When invited for a barbeque or dinner should you bring something (exp. dessert, bottle of wine etc.) or does it matter if you show up empty handed?

My Reply: Dear Empty Handed, It is always best to take a little gift when invited to someone's home.

Wine is always a good choice, as are flowers.  I would refrain from taking a dessert, only because the host may already have one planned.

The most important thing to remember as a guest is to thank the host and enjoy your time together.

Next week: Being a Good Host.

Please send your questions - rebeccablack@etiquettenow.com