So, you have decided to have a party or just a simple dinner with guests.  Do you know what your responsibilities as host are?

Being a good host is not that difficult if we follow two very important, yet simple rules.

Rule #1: You invite, you pay: So, plan on providing all of the refreshments and food. Never expect gifts.

Rule #2: You invite, you entertain: Plan to keep your guests entertained by inviting interesting people with similar views.  Interact with your guests and ensure they are comfortable, by never leaving them thirsty or hungry.  They shouldn't have to ask for anything.

Question: What is the proper thing to do if a guest brings wine to a dinner party?  Do we serve it or not?

My Reply: A gift bottle is just that, a gift.  However, because we always want to be a great host and many people don't know that a gift bottle is a gift, we try to elicit information slyly.  Perhaps say, "This looks like a great bottle, would you like me to open it with dinner?" The guest may now choose whether they wish for you to open it or if it is meant for your collection.

Question: My 14 yr. old wants to have his birthday party at one of those putt-putt, laser-tag combo places and we cannot afford to pay for the guests. Would it be rude to ask his friends to pay? Frugal

My Reply: Dear Frugal, there is no polite way to invite guests to a party and ask them to host it.  It is never appropriate to ask them to pay for it.  One of the best lessons we can teach our children is that they cannot have everything they want.  Not everything is easy and most important things in life are acquired by hard work. Please pass this on to your child.  I know it is difficult at times, but he will be  stronger as he gets older.

Host the party that you can afford to host.

Question: Dear Rebecca, I am having a surprise retirement party for my boyfriend and I wanted to make sure his guest brought a gift. He just got his real estate license and is investing a lot of money into his new venture. I want to encourage the guest to first bring a gift and also buy something useful.

Preferably gift cards to some of his favorite stores (and stores that could help with his business) since he is very particular. I am just not sure how to say it without offending anyone and preventing anyone from coming because they need (should) bring a gift. Please advise. (I will have a gift table set up in the restaurant)

My Reply: Dear Asking for Gifts, this is not appropriate or proper.  A retirement party is not a gift giving situation and to ask guests to give something, especially gift cards, most likely will be viewed very negatively.  This would not be a positive way to begin a new career-having others think of him as tacky and socially inept.

We never host a party for ourselves or for someone else in order to receive gifts.  Birthday parties for children and the bridal shower are the only exceptions.

Please do not set up a gift table.  This is implying that you expect gifts.  Plus, if this is being held at a restaurant, you are expected to pay for all of your guest's meals, including beverages.  The simple rule is: you invite, you pay.

Question: I'm hosting a dinner party and would like this to be an adult affair.  We will be serving cocktails and I want the evening to be more about conversing rather than chasing after children.  How do I politely state this?  May I write this on my invitations?

My Reply: It is probably not best to write that this is an adult only affair.  It just seems a bit impolite.

However, you could imply it.  By inviting your guests to a cocktail party and dinner and scheduling it after 6 pm, your guests may get the hint. Of course, you can mention your intentions when your guests RSVP.