It is a custom here in my little part of the world to host a housewarming party when we move into a new place. Of course, this doesn't mean that we must host this party, but we may.

We, the homeowners, are the hosts of this party and we invite those with whom we are close plus a few of our new neighbors.  The premise is that we are 'warming our homes with love'.

Gifts are often given to the new homeowners. These are typically small token gifts, such as candles, picture frame, wine, plant, or a coffee table book. However, gifts should never be expected, because this should never be the focus.

A troubling fad evolved due to a promotion begun by a few large store chains a few years ago.  These stores promoted the housewarming party as a reason to register for gifts. And, why not?

This is good business for them. So now many are confusing this party with a bridal shower.  Some homeowners are actually registering and expecting expensive gifts from their guests. Oh my. Please read on.

Question: My sister and her husband are almost finished building a new home. Would it be proper to throw her a housewarming party (at her new home), but the hostesses would supply all the refreshments, etc.

My daughter has reservations about this.  Or do the friends they have, just automatically bring them a gift when they come to see the house.  What are your thoughts?

My Reply: Due to a few huge store chains promoting the housewarming as a shower, which it is not, this is one of my most frequent questions. Because of their promotions, some new homeowners consider registering, which is a major social blunder.

The housewarming is simply a party the homeowner hosts to welcome people into her new home. She shows the guests around and provides refreshments. Most often this is an open house where guests come and go-very informal. This is not viewed as a gift giving event, yet some guests may give small token gifts to warm the home, such as a kitchen towel, spoon rest, book, plant, or a bottle of wine.

So, it is not proper for you to host this. You have a smart daughter. Bravo.

Question: My daughter is 21yrs old. She just moved out on her own for the first time. She needs a lot of things that I can't afford all at one time.

How can I ask her friends to bring gifts on the invitation to a party I'm hosting for her without someone saying, "Oh no she didn't!"

My Reply: Actually, it is your daughter who needs to purchase items for her new place. This is what we do when we move out on our own.

Sometimes we begin at the thrift store, but we never ask others to help stock our home. Gifts are not obligatory for a housewarming and this is a party she should be hosting. It is not proper for you to host this.

It is considered a major social faux pas to ask for gifts for the housewarming, even if you were to change the name of the party to a moving out party. It just isn't polite to create a gift giving situation for yourself or for a mother to host one for her child (except the small child's birthday party).

This is why mothers never host bridal showers.

This isn't just my opinion.  Please read about housewarming parties from any etiquette book.

Question: My husband and I bought our first home and are moving in soon. I want to host a housewarming and inform all family and friends of our new address, phone, email, and let them know the date of the party and where we are registered. How should I word the invitations?

My Reply: This is very improper. A housewarming party is not a gift giving event and we do not register. There is no polite way to invite guests to a gift giving event you create and tell them to give you gifts.

This is a very good way to alienate others. This is not just my opinion. This is written about in all etiquette books.

How do you celebrate moving into a new home?

Please contact me with your customs.

rebeccablack@etiquettenow.com